i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
