Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
