Umm I'm too high to move.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
