I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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