What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
