hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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