it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize