true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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