there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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