So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
where does the pee come out of this thing
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
