$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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