Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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