Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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