you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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