she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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