I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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