It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
