It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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