I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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