Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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