Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
