YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
