Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
