this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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