hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
