Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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