When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize