I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
