My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
