I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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