I am in a vortex of obligation.
i just had sex bonerless
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
