I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
