I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
