im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
