Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
