i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize