i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We got so high we made milksteak
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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