Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
