found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
