p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
