the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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