I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
