meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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