you would pick up someone in the library
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Randomize
