So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
