Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
