her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
