Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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