someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
