Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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