Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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