don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
