she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
