go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i will never coherently bang her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
