my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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