Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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