I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
