wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You were trust falling into bushes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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