I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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