I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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