did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
