Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
