Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize