umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Come on in and take your pants off
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