Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
