just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
