the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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