I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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