If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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