I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
