I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you made out with another girl for some wings
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
