Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
