So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize