I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize