I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
