The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
