hotel room ftw
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
