My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
