Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
