do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
