If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize