You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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