The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
