Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
