my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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