Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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