why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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