we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
