Christians are straight up FREAKS
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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