wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
