I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
