and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize