I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize