Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
