Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
