i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize