Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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