We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
