he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
