Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
