If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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