i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize