Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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