I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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