i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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