I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
