You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
