I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
