last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
