She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
