I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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