I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
